Summer days

Four days of school left. eeeek! I'm not ready for summer. Keith gets incredibly bored. There just isn't enough to keep him busy and there isn't enough structure to his day to keep him under control.

He'll be spending a couple of days with Papa and a couple of days at daycare with Caleb. Should be interesting!

Seasons of change...new friends...old friends

I've been struggling lately with the sense that one of my friendships is changing. J and I have been friends for a very long time. We became friends 15 years ago when I started dating her brother. That relationship ended long ago but J and I remained constant.

A few years ago, a new family moved into the area and became involved with our fire company and there ended up being a HUGE falling out between them and some members of the company, J and her extended family included. I, however, remained friendly with the new family, H and D. Last fall, H offered to transport Caleb to daycare along with her daughter. I was and still am very appreciative of this! This really really helps us out a ton!

Just lately, H and I have been becoming even better friends. We've discovered we have a lot in common. Both of our oldest children have ADHD. We have the same taste in music. The same sense of humor. We're on the same wavelength ALOT. And our families mesh really well. Brian and D get along very well. Our kids get along very well. So we've been hanging out with them quite a bit lately.

Even before that though, I've felt my friendship with J drifting. We still talk occasionally. I still see her at the fire station and other places. But its not the same. We don't hang out. Our families don't hang out together. Their family dynamic is so much different than ours. Her husband, T, doesn't spend a lot of time with the family as a whole. He is more worried about doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it. They don't often do family activities. And if they do, J and T are often not speaking. They have a very rocky relationship sometimes so its uncomfortable to be around them.

It saddens me. I love J, she's been a big part of my life for a long time...but its different now.

Change is hard.

'Tis the T-ball season

And lordy, does it frustrate me!

We all know Keith has the attention span of a gnat but come on! All we (and the coaches!) do is tell him to pay attention, stand up, stop kicking dirt....rinse, repeat. ARGH!

And this has only been at practice. Their first game is Thursday.

Brian took Keith to practice last night and Keith kicked a little boy! What.the.fuck?! Said the kid was bugging him and kicked him. Now, no one else that was there saw the kid touch Keith.

Evenings have gotten increasingly harder. I know its because his meds are all worn off by then and I hate to give him another booster late in the day but I'm so irritated with this stuff.

Just a number, right?

Brian out of the blue last night asked me if I was having a hard time with the fact that I'm turning 30 this year. No, I'm really not. He said that a mom at Keith's T-ball practice was going on and on about how she'd just turned 30. He told her 30 was nothing. He'll be 37 this July.

Okay, holy fuck, when did that happen?! I mean, I know my husband's age. And he's by no means old. Old is like 80. But 37 is only 3 years from 40. How can my husband be almost 40?

When did we grow up and how do we make it stop?

Perfect Day!

Saturday was a fantastic day! The weather was beautiful and Brian and I got to spend the day together.

We dropped the boys off at MIL's at 9am and didn't pick them up until 7pm. We went to the hospital to visit my sister and her new baby Willow. Willow is a preemie and is in the NICU but she's doing REALLY well. After that we went shopping. I needed some new clothes for work and I found some really good deals.

I also scored a Twilight/Team Edward Tote at Walmart! Best find of the day! Okay, it might be a tie between that and the book Brian and I got at Spencer's . *grin*

Umm, wow, it's April

I can't believe I haven't blogged since September! Opps!

Well, Caleb loves daycare/preschool! It's his favorite place ever to spend his day. Over the winter, he was home with Daddy Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays because Brian was laid off. Caleb wasn't sure that was a good thing but they both survived. Brian's now back to work and Caleb's back to preschool 4 days a week. He's happy!

Keith continues to do wonderful in school. His first two report cards of the year held straight A's. This last one was all A's except for one B! I couldn't ask for a smarter kid. We've been so lucky in the fact that his ADHD has not impacted his school experience much at all. I'm not looking forward to summer with this boy. Most kids can't wait for summer, right? Not Keith. He'd rather be in school, where there are things to do all day long.

Living in a very rural area, there aren't that many summertime activities for kids so he gets VERY bored.

The last couple of months, Brian and I have found ourselves in a very good place in our marriage. We've had some ROUGH ROUGH times and I truly believe they've made us stronger as a couple. During those times, I will readily admit that I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel but we kept chugging along and now we've found that light and are enjoying it very much.

In other news, I'm going to be an Aunt!! My sister, Wendy, is almost 33 weeks pregnant with her first child. She has an 11 year old stepdaughter, Harley, but this baby (Willow) will be Wendy's first. She's having a rough time. She's been at a NICU hospital for a week as of today because of Pre-eclampsia. Right now, its a day to day evaluation of her condition. The doctors are just basically waiting for the day Wendy's blood pressure starts to rise dramatically and hope that it isn't too soon. We'd all like Willow to bake a little while longer.

That's what is new in our part of the world! Hopefully it won't be so long between updates, huh? ;-)

Solution!

We've enrolled Caleb in daycare/preschool four days a week. My parents will watch him on Mondays. On Tuesdays and Thursdays a friend of mine whose daughter attends this same daycare will take Caleb with her. Yay! for good friends. Wednesdays and Fridays my dad has offered to take Caleb to daycare. Yay! for good daddys!

It's going to put an even bigger strain on our budget but I honestly didn't have much choice when I tried to call M on Friday with a question and found her telephone disconnected. Wouldn't have been a big deal but we live in the land of no cell service and she has NO neighbors. What do you suppose she would have done in an emergency???

Wishing time away

I hate to do that but I can't wait for Caleb to go to school.

Once again, we're having babysitter issues. GAH! M gave us two days notice that she can no longer watch C on Wednesday's because she's joined a bowling league that bowls Wed. afternoons. *rolling eyes* Gee, that's great.

We're searching for a solution.

The results

So having time to read and digest the report from the neuropsych, here are the main points.

Keith is above average in intelligence, he just doesn't have the capablity to focus long enough to reach his full potention.

The offical diagnosis is:

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder – Combined Type
Adjustment Reaction with Mixed Disturbance of Emotions and Conduct

The first one...well, we knew that. The second one...umm I have no clue! LOL

But the doctor gave us some great tips and tricks to do to help Keith.

I've also contacted the Department of Special Education at school to start the evaluation process for an Individual Education Plan (IEP) so he doesn't get lost in the system.

Speaking of school, it starts next Tuesday and I.can't.wait!! This summer has been difficult for us all because Keith needs so much structure to his day and its just not been possible. He gets very bored and then acts out.

It's hard to believe summer is nearly over. It's gone by so quickly.

Oh my

I know, I know...you probably want an update, right? I just don't have it in me right now. So.much.information!

So I want to give you a bit of eye candy to start off your weekend.

Check out Olympic swimmer, Michael Phelps....





Can you say Holy hot? ;-)

Waiting and summer days

That's where we are right now, justing waiting.

What are we waiting on, you ask? Well, on July 30th Keith had a 2 hour neuropsychological evaluation. We get the results of that on August 12th.

Brian twisted his knee a couple of months ago and it was still bothering him so I made him see our doctor. An MRI revealed two tears. One in the tendon attaching his knee to his lower leg and and ACL tear. GREAT! (Hear the sarcasm?) So we wait for an appointment with a specialist (August 29). We're hoping that we can hold off major treatment until after Brian is laid off in December. We'll see, I guess.

Last Friday night we set up a borrowed tent in the backyard. We had a campfire and made S'mores then crawled into our tent for the night. This was a test run, you see. I wanted to make sure that the boys would settle fairly well to sleep in a tent before we went off camping somewhere. I needn't have worried. They talked for about 15 minutes and dropped off to sleep.

Guess we'll be okay to go camping! I hope we can find time for it yet this summer!

It's my life too?

The title of my blog is a lie. It doesn't feel like its my life too. I feel totally consumed (not in a good way) with worry about my kids, especially Keith, and worry about money.

I don't know who *I* am. I know its important to make time for myself but how? How am I supposed to take the time and money to do something for myself without feeling guilty? The money should be used elsewhere...not on me.

I guess I'll figure it out someday, right?

Pros and Cons

There are big pros and cons to living close to your family. We live very near to my parents. This has enabled my boys to have a fantastic, close relationship with them. They have been of tremendous help to us in many many ways. And we are very grateful for all their help.

This, however, seems to have made my Mom think that she can meddle in our lives and say things to me that you wouldn't think anyone would *ever* say to someone's face.

I have pretty much been able to shrug these things off....until last night. She made a very very ignorant remark about my husband. I hung up on her and haven't spoken with her since.

She has been at times very detrimental to any progress we make with Keith. She coddles him. Not that I think that children shouldn't be coddled a bit now and then but every time he gets in trouble for something while she's there, she baby's him. Frustrating, don't you think?

I love my parents. My dad doesn't normally have a lot to say...Mom makes up for it, I guess.

Unfortunately, this has shown me that we need create a bit of distance with them. And I need to set some ground rules for dealing with Keith. He's MY son. And its time she realizes it is none of her business how I handle my son and how he is punished.

Hello!

Anyone still out there?

Yeah, I know...its been too long. Life has gotten in the way.

Stay tuned, I'll try harder.

Happy New Year!

Here's hoping the new year brings health and happiness to everyone!

Also, please keep baby Z in your thoughts. He's a sick sick baby right now and I'm sending all the positive thoughts I have his way.

Appointment Update

Saturday, the entire day, was horrible. I wanted to run away forever.

Keith did not get up and ready to go well. He fought over every little thing. He was a total bear. I did not give him his medicine because I wanted him to be his normal hyperactive self at the psychiatrist’s office. So he was bouncing off the walls too. Brian has no patience. He was getting pissed off at Keith and being nasty to him, so I got on Brian’s case for that. So there starts Brian and I fighting. In the midst of that, Brian tells me that I’m lucky that its not 15 year ago. Huh? He then informs me that he used to have an anger management problem and if he had been dealing with Keith at that time, he probably would have hurt Keith by now and he’s trying very hard not to get back to that point. I’m haunted by that conversation still. We did not speak the entire way to the appointment.

Keith’s appointment was at 10 am. We weren’t sure exactly how long it would take us to get there and weren’t sure exactly where the place was so left in plenty of time. We ended up being 45 minutes early. And it was 15 minutes past our appointment time before we were called in.

They had mailed us paperwork to fill out a week or so ago that we took with us. My first impression of Dr. C was meh. He started out by going over the paperwork we filled out. When he saw that Keith has been seeing Dr. N, the psychologist, he asked what we were there to see him for. I was pretty confused by that question and must have looked it. Dr. C says that he’s a psychologist and didn’t understand if we already had a psychologist, why we were seeing him. I was a bit ticked at the way he said that and explained to him that Keith’s doctor didn’t feel comfortable managing his meds anymore and referred us to this office. They set up the appointment for us and that’s about all I knew. So he figures out that he basically is doing an intake interview for the psychiatrist.

One of the questions on the papers I had to fill out was for the parents. The question was “What are you proud of?” My answer was very honest. I’m proud that we have not lost our sanity yet. Dr. C kind of chuckled at that and I told him that it was the God’s honest truth. Dr. C talked to Keith some about school, etc. During this time (15 minutes maybe), Keith was sitting on my lap. Picking at the wall. Sliding down my legs. Back on my lap. Kneeling on my lap looking at the picture on the wall. On the floor. Back on my lap on his knees facing me ducking his head down in my lap. I told him to stop and sit down. He did not. Dr. C got up and picked him up off my lap and sat him down in his desk chair. Told him he needed to sit there and asked him if he knew why. Keith said no so Dr. C told him it was because he was bugging Mommy and didn’t listen when I said stop. Keith shrugged it off and started getting into the stuff on Dr. C’s desk. I told him to Stop and like normal, he didn’t even hear me. Dr. C looked at me and said, “It’s been like this for 2 years or so, huh?” I said Yes. And nearly cried when he said “I understand why you’re proud of not losing your sanity.” No one has ever ever ever said they understand what we’re dealing with every day.

That was pretty much the end of our appointment. We now need to see the psychiatrist, Dr. M. Dr. C said we didn’t need to see him again since we were already seeing a psychologist but Brian and I talked it over and if we’re going to be going there to see Dr. M, and still need the psychologist we might as well see Dr. C.

After we left there we went to lunch and then Walmart. Santa happened to be there so Keith got to see Santa. He was so incredibly awful the entire time in Walmart. He wandered off every time you turned around. He didn’t pay attention to where he was walking and kept running into people. He stopped at every little thing that caught his eye. He couldn’t keep his hands off anything. It.was.awful. I was so glad to get home. I gave him his afternoon medicine and made him play in his room until it kicked in.

The receptionist should call me today to set up the appointment with the psychiatrist. I hope its soon.

been a long time

Wow, I can't believe its been so long since I blogged.

I guess I just haven't had anything new to complain about. *shrug*

Keith has an appointment with a psychiatrist this Saturday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we all like him. We're seeing this guy because our primary doctor isn't comfortable continuing to manage his meds. And the psychologist he's been seeing, being a psychologist and not a psychiatrist, can't prescribe meds.

Please let this be the doctor that can help us.

What happened to us?

My husband asked me this question last night after the biggest screaming fight we've ever had. And I have no clue. I don't know what's happening to us.

I do know between financial problems and Keith's behavioral problems, I'm so stressed out I feel like I'm going crazy most days. I know those things are affecting our marriage.

I'm resentful towards Brian because he has his bowling league once a week. And I don't feel that he contributes a fair share towards the household chores. I've asked him to help out more. He feels he's doing plenty, he tells me.

He's been so irritable and grumpy lately. I'm not the only one that's noticed it. Everyone has been asking me what's wrong with Brian? I have no clue. When I asked him about it he said he wasn't aware that he was grumpy.

Last nights fight started before we even got home from Keith's therapy appointment. I stopped to pick Caleb up from Mom and Dad's and Brian pulled halfway down our driveway, then stopped to yell at me about whether I was coming right home. I couldn't hear him so he squealed his tires all the way up the drive to come to where I could hear him. We went home and it was 83* in the house. He didn't turn the a/c on before he left because *he* thought it wasn't all that hot. It was nearly 90* outside yesterday and we have no shade around our house. I hate being hot so it made me extremely irritated.

Then we started in fighting with Keith to do a time out b/c he pushed Caleb. That's always good for some arguing between Brian and me. Then I noticed that the clothes still hung out on the clothesline. Oh except for Caleb's sneakers. Brian got those off the clothesline but left all the other DRY clothes behind. And the sink was FULL of dirty dishes. I should clarify that Brian didn't have to work yesterday and I did.

Now, I don't expect a whole lot, I really don't. But if you're home most of the day and there are things that need done, DO THEM! Well, apparantly, since he ran the vaccum, cleaned the litter box and did laundry on Saturday morning so the house was clean for people to use for the wedding (which they never did! GRRR) while I was "off playing with the girls, getting my hair done", that was good enough.........forever apparantly.

So I don't know what's happening to my marriage but its not so nice right now.

same old, same old

I know I haven't blogged in a while. There really isn't much to say. Work is work, school is still going great for Keith, he's seeing a therapist, we're still struggling but we'll make it, I guess.

My sister got married this past weekend. Keith and I were both in the wedding.


That's it, I guess. *shrug*

School days again!

School started on September 4th. Keith was very very excited and was so happy to be back to school! Go figure! LOL

I hadn't heard a word yet from his teacher so I assumed things were going fine but that little nagging voice inside wouldn't shut up.

I emailed the teacher yesterday and this is what she had to say....

Keith is doing fine. He is a very nice boy and has a lot of good things to contribute to discussions-especially if we are talking about snakes!!!

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! After all of the negative emails I got last year, it was such a relief to get this!