still struggling

Things are not good with our babysitter and we are actively searching for a new one. We're not having any luck though.

I'm still struggling with my feelings on wanting to be home. I pray each day for something to work so that I can. I think there are probably ways that it could work but I don't know if they would be the right thing to do. It doesn't seem that its morally correct to accept public assistance just to be home with my kids but what's more important than my kids health and well-being? I'd gladly sell my organs right now if I could make sure they are well cared for during the day.

It's not just the babysitter issues. I've been at my current job for just over 6 years. The girl immediately before me was here for 5 years. The one before her was here for over 40 years and it showed. The woman was a tyrant. See, I do the accounts receivable at my company. This means I am the one that deals with all the people complaining about their bills, all the people trying to get out of paying their bills, etc. Of course, I also send out the bills and other stuff but the complaining/collections part of my job really really really sucks. And that is a big portion of my job.

When my alarm goes off in the morning, I get up pissed off because I have to go to work.

It's sucked something out of me. I see the worst in everyone immediately. I don't have sympathy for people anymore. I go through the motions and words of expressing empathy and sympathy but its not there.

I don't like the person I've become.