Why?

I can't apologize for my feelings. They are honest feelings and I can't change them. I am so very lucky to have carried in my body and given birth to two healthy children, I know that. Too many women haven't been able to have what I do.

But every day lately I question why God has decided that I should be the one to shape and raise these two stubborn, strong willed boys. On top of that, I wonder why he tests my strength and sanity at every other turn in everything else I do.

Keith has gotten better than he used to be, don't get me wrong. But every day is still a struggle. Every.fucking.day. I get so tired of it. And you know the old adage "learn by example". Yeah, that's what Caleb is doing. I've tried explaining to Keith that he's the big brother. The way he acts helps to shape the way Caleb acts. That apparantly has done no good. Why why why why why can't he just LISTEN? Just one day I would love for him to do what I ask. Even half a day. I want a day where I don't have to get after him for something.

And my husband. Lord knows I love him but he drives me crazy too. In the 6 or 7 years we've been together, he's had 6 or 7 different jobs. Apparantly he can't find one that suits him. Well, ya know what, I don't always like my fucking job either but hey, guess what I'm an adult. That means being responsible and doing things I don't like doing. So grow up and take some responsibility for yourself.

And clean the fucking litter box please. I'm getting sick of smelling it. It will really piss me off if I have to clean it.